Mommy Monday - Dealing with My Postpartum Depression

Hey Mommies, hopefully you are still well and okay.

Post partum depression, where should I start?! Glad I didn't chuck down those 2 bags
of chips again and instead I decided to write my feeling down.

Motherhood is not for the faint hearted hey (enter with caution),
 and I'm faint hearted so this depression

sneaked on me pretty quick and I just didn't have the heart to fight it because

I am a self loather, always thinking too much about everything and being emotional about everything.

When you have a moment one day, I will tell you how I lost everything that I

built in 12 years in a period of 6 months (maybe that is what took my post partum depression

to full on depression but my triggers have been everywhere these days).

Maybe I'm writing this as a plea for help or maybe because I'm a self-loather I'm just writing this

because I want someone's attention and seeking help? I just don't know.
If you have a psychologist

friend please ask them what this is because my local clinic does not have such help,
 or they will say I'm looking for attention.

Last month on the radio news I heard a story of a 27 year old mom who
hung herself at Bara Hospital

at a post natal ward, and couldn't help but cry because I kinda know those emotions.

wuuuu this is some heavy stuff for a Monday post.

My family gives me strnght but sometimes I feel like they don't understand the

internal demons that I have to fight within each day.

Having lost my Mom and Grandma before I was a Mom is also a huge knock because that

tree of life situation where they were supposed to pass down their

knowledge to me got lost in translation, luckily I have my older sisters though.

I can't lie this week has been really different, my older sister suggested that I take up exercising

(maybe she didn't want to tell me directly that I have gained approximately
 15kg's in the last six months which

could be directly proportional to my weight and the way that I'm feeling lately, but but
I can't help but eat all the time) but her suggestion is vastly making a difference,

she also suggested I have a daily routine which I'm working towards.

Ooooh, if I publish this post big ups to me.

I will see you soon with a lighter post I promise.

Later

xx

Zanele